Save a Life: Suicide, Homicide & Self Harm
Hello beautiful, kind soul.
*Note*
Please read all bolded text throughout the post,
as I have divided this out to be easier to digest, since it is a lot of information.
Post Content Breakdown:
1.Intro
2. Clear Communication
2a. What is active listening?
3. Emergency
3.a. Info needed for Emergency call
4. How to handle when someone with an active plan to harm themself or others
5. Referrals
This post is very important to me and one I hope helps many of you. I know if you are reading this, you already have an open-mind, and a warm heart. Please take this info I am going to share with you with the thought of you are gaining a life-vest for a friend, partner, coworker, stranger or even yourself. The thoughts of suicide, homicide, and self-harm are not sparse among our peers and these thoughts stem from dark places that have not been kind to them. Please remember to avoid opinions of your own and always have empathy for the one you are actively trying to help.
1.INTRO
Over the years of sharing my experiences with crisis counseling and different mental health referrals on my social media, I’ve been asked quite a lot by people on how to handle when someone you love is feeling depressed, suicidal or wanting to self-harm. So many people are struggling every day and are unaware of the resources that are available to them for free or even how to help a friend in this situation. This doesn’t surprise me. The mental health crisis has grown astronomically over the past decade and I had no idea about all the resources out there until I started crisis counseling and was given the holy-grail of referrals, activities, apps, websites, worksheets and resources. This is the main reason I started to share them on my Instagram and even create the stories on my page referring to different categories.
Over the past 3 years I’ve talked to strangers about their lowest times, which has led me to also be someone trusted enough by my peers to reach out to on how to handle it with someone they know—so much I’ve saved scripts, and things to say for people who ask me via social media. This is truly wonderful, because for someone to actually ask on how to help instead of going in blindly could truly save a life. And that is the purpose of this post today.
I won’t be posting anything explicit about these topics, however I will be talking about how to help those with ideas of suicidal and homicidal thoughts and self-harm, so if these topics are triggering to you in anyway, click off now or ask a friend to summarize or lead you to the right referrals from this post.
Don’t forget to continue with an open heart and mind. You are a capable, caring and lovable person who deserves to know this knowledge for yourself and others.
2.CLEAR COMMUNICATION
Pain, discomfort, loss, anger, darkness, sadness; all of these things can be taboo to shine a light on, which creates this idea in many cultures that you must keep anything deemed negative to yourself. The best way to help a friend is, stop everything and actively-listen and pay attention to what they need. Especially if they are in a mode of crisis and emotions are overflowing. The most important thing during any experience with a friend in a time of need is that they feel heard and understood. Most conversations I’ve had over the years, have been de-escalated because of them feeling heard and validated. The best way to not enter your own opinion about their emotions or experiences is to use techniques like reflecting feelings and summarizing thoughts. It will be very hard to separate yourself from their experiences if it is someone close, but in this moment you must.
2.a. What is active listening?
Take the time to read this article on how to actively listen here.
Example dialogue:
“I feel like no one ever takes my feelings into consideration. I always am the first to help my friends, but when I need someone, no one is around. I can’t take it anymore.”
Active listening response: “ It’s understandable to feel unappreciated and alone. It sounds like you are great friend and would like to feel heard too.”
A few things can happen when you respond this way. They will either correct you on your clarification (which is normally cordial since you stated it as how you heard it and not a fact) or they will agree and feel seen or understood. Either way, it leads to more dialect, which could lead to finding out how you can be helpful.
3. EMERGENCY
Now when someone is hinting at harming themselves or someone else, it’s important to be clear. While it may be rumored that if you ask if someone is feeling suicidal it will put the thought in their head, that is absolutely untrue. This is a time where clarity is important. Some people express themselves in different ways, and it is not a time to assume.
It’s very important for you to understand that it is not your job to truly save someone from harming others or themselves. If it is a true emergency, you should call 911 first.
Make sure the operator knows it is a psychiatric emergency and ask for a CIT or a Crisis Intervention Team Officer.
Here are some things you may be asked if you ever have to a make a psychiatric emergency call to 911. It can be overwhelming if you are ever in this situation especially when it comes to someone you love and care about. Some of these questions can be offensive to some, but it is to help the officers do their job as quick as possible and keep everyone involved safe. I believe it’s better to know and never need it, then to be surprised.
3.a. Info you may need to know for call:
-Your name
-The person’s name, age, description and current location
-If the person has access to a weapon
-The person’s mental health history, diagnoses
-Medications (current and discontinued)
-Suicide attempts
-Drug use
-Prior violence and current threats
-Contributing factors
-Things that have helped in the past
-Any delusions, or lost of touch of reality
*Important: If you don’t feel safe, leave the location immediately.
Now if you do get in a situation where you are talking to someone in the moment who has made up their mind about harming themselves or others, this is a time where you must remain calm. Make sure you are talking to them in a loving, and non-judgmental tone. Ask questions about how they are feeling, and give them time to think, digest and speak openly about their emotions. This is never a time to minimize their experiences, emotions or reasons for wanting to harm someone or themself. Offer your help. Let them know they are not alone. It’s okay to not have an action plan set for them yet, but giving them your word that you will find a way to help them is very reassuring.
4. A few other things to remember when talking to someone who is actively planning to harm themself or someone else:
-Remove means of suicide, self-harm or homicide. I ..E. guns, knives, medicine etc.
-Ask simple and direct questions
-If there are multiple people around, focus on the person in need only and allow them to speak openly without interruption
-Don’t debate, argue, threaten or raise your voice
-Keep stimulation levels low.
-If you are nervous, try your hardest not to pace or fidget
-Remain patient and kind
Other emergency helplines:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline Call 800-273-TALK (8255)
Crisis Text Line Text ‘Home’ to 741-741
5. REFERRALS FOR FINDING HELP
How do you know someone needs help? If they have not asked you yet and you aren’t sure. It’s always better to check-in. “Hey, I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately and are seeming down. How are you doing? Is there anything I can do to help?”
Here are few warning signs and the link to the full list is here.
SUICIDE
Facebook: Reporting Suicidal Content Sends reported profile suicide prevention info
Help Guide Provides evidence-based articles, self-help tools, and readings
Military Helpline Provides free 24/7 confidential crisis intervention and suicide prevention focused on military
Objective Zero Connects veterans, service members, their families, and caregivers to peer support via voice, video, and text. Also provides free access to wellness resources such as yoga and meditation.
Now Matters Now An online resource that provides support for coping with suicidal thoughts through teaching skills based on Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Includes videos of personal stories.
ULifeline Provides information about mental health, college specific local resources, and advice for how to help a friend in need of support.
SELF-HARM
Calm Harm Offers timed activities to help resist or manage self-harm urges with the ability to log completed activities and track progress.
Cornell Research Program on Self-injury and Recovery Provides distraction techniques and alternative coping skills for dealing with self-harm.
Help Guide on Cutting and Self-harm Provides information on cutting and self-harm, including identifying triggers, finding new coping techniques, and how to support a loved one who cuts or self-harms.
99 Coping Skills Provides an interactive list and print-out of 99 coping skills and strategies.
SAFETY PLANNING
Green’s Safety Planning Guide: How to Create a Crisis Plan
FIND GENERAL HELP
211 Connects people with local resources and assistance.
Aunt Bertha Connects people to local resources and support (similar to 211), with the ability to search for low-cost care options.
HealthCare.Gov Provides services relating to obtaining health insurance through the Affordable Care Act.
There are so many more referrals that get specific to topics like laws and lawyers to meetups with support groups for those hearing voices. If you can think of it , it’s out there. Be sure to research if needed, or If you have a very specific referral need, you can reach out to me privately as well.
Thank you for taking time to gain knowledge on how to love and help someone who is hurt, even if that someone is you. Take care of yourself. You are worth it .
Your friend,
Green
